playboymommy's Diaryland Diary

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brca-1

two years ago i was diagnosed with the BRCA-1 genetic mutation. translation: i have a 60% chance of having ovarian cancer and an 80% chance of having breast cancer sometime in my life. after my 35th birthday, the likelihood skyrockets. surprisingly, it didn't scare me to be told this. my mom and grandma both had ovarian cancer and survived, and i knew even without the diagnosis that i was at high risk. i go twice a year to have a blood test and once a year to a gynecologic oncologist, in addition to my annual visit to the gynecologist. in the next few weeks i will visit a breast specialist to discuss my preventative treatment options.

that's what scares me.

it seems that recently the most prominently discussed preventative treatment has been the radical mastectomy. as in, you don't have cancer, but we're going to remove your breasts anyway, just in case. i'm 27, but i know that they will ask me about it. people do it more often than i think is realized, but i cannot fathom making that choice. what about mammograms and regular screenings? the blood test i get can detect breast cancer to a certain extent. why go to the extreme? it's not a 100% guarantee.

but really what it boils down to is that i'm scared.

in the past week two of my closest friends have found out that their mothers both have breast cancer. neither is that old (early 50s), and both are facing surgery, not to mention treatment and recovery, that will drastically alter their lives. i don't want that for myself. i'm in denial that it could be my future. and i'm in denial that it's an option for me now.

my mom opted not to have her breasts removed, as did my grandmother, and their oncologist and breast specialists were fine with that. i only hope that my doctor is as understanding.

sometimes i find myself feeling jealous of my friends that don't know that they have to worry about this. my screwed up genes aren't a death sentence by any stretch of the imagination, but they make me a little too cautious, a little too careful. the symptoms of ovarian cancer (which is what i'm more likely to have if i ever have either, based on family history) are too vague, and every cramp or every stomach pain is read into a little too much. i run to the doctor if i spot or don't start my period at exactly the right time. most girls assume that they're pregnant if this happens. i assume that i have cancer.

7:46 p.m. - may 21, 2008

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